Raindrop beat relentlessly on my window panes as I gaze at the monitor thinking of how to phrase my thoughts...
Ok, I lied. It's not raining (even though the stoopid water piping system my neighbour put in for his fish pond makes me think it's raining ALL THE TIME!). Even if it really was raining, I would have no clue with my music on and my curtains drawn. (HEY! That rhymes! I'm a natural poet!)

My thoughts right now are all over the place, much akin to doing a jigsaw puzzle without the pieces that form the edges and without the box cover that shows the completed picture. I don't know where the pieces go nor do I have an inkling of what the final picture will look like. And so I am beginning to question something that's very important in life : dreams and aspirations.

My ex-girlfriend used to do something which pissed me off big time:
She liked to paint really nice and vivid pictures of how it's gonna be and I would dream together with her. I will adopt her dreams as my own.

Thereafter, she would do almost nothing to work towards those dreams. And when everything comes to nought, she would simply shrug it off and proceed to dream up another beautiful scenario without much regret or disappointment. I, on the other hand, would always be crushed that her hopes and expectations fizzle out without even sparks or smoke because I used to see her dreams as OUR dreams. She always argued that she was born under Pisces and Pisceans were dreamy.

Lately, I wonder if I am too idealistic. Maybe what she always did was right? If you don't hope, there'll be no expectations and when it all goes to shit, you prolly won't even feel a sting. Especially so for me since I always throw all my heart and soul into doing anything. My personal theory is that if I am not interested, I might as well not even start and waste any time. Sadly, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry and I admit that's why I am often in a state of dejection.

Alas, sometimes hope is all we have. If I don't hope that my future would be exciting with lotsa stuff for me to do, I can just assume that I'll die a sad and lonely pauper, and just try to die by choking on my own saliva now.

I wish I could subscribe to the thoery of 没有期望， 就不会有失望。Sadly, I know I cannot live life like that... welcome to my little world where I am led blindly around by my heart. I won't regret anything cos I'm happy this way.

P.S : I'm happy when I'm with you. Come what may.